I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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