i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
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It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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