i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
