I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
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I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
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I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
there is puke in my bra ... again
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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