No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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