I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
