plz talk dirty to me
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
