I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
