I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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