We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
