they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
