I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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