sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
