he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
