Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
