Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
