do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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