oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
