just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
