we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
