I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
