Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
