he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
