This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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