well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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