Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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