i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
