It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
