Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
