i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
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Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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