last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
