How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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