He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
