you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You're like the curious george of whores
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
