I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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