There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
