with your own penis?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
