Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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