The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize