You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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