Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
