yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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