I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
