You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
