jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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