I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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