Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
