So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
