I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
