i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
