I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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