I CAN MOONWALK!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
