I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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