the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
