I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
