saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
