OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
