the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
