Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
