we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
