I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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