I look better un-naked...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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