saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There r osticjed everywhere
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
