yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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