I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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