why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
