There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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