I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
