when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
