haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
