you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
