Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
