Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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