So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
