Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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